Not Everything Translates

Tag: sanatorium

  • packing up

    My journey is beginning to come to an end,
    and I feel done.
    Done and at peace.

    On Friday, I will check out of the hotel
    and spend my last days in Prague together with my daughter, Alma.

    I am so glad I chose to do this, just for me.
    I know it has been quite hard for those at home, especially for Alma.
    But I think there may be something valuable in that too.

    It may sound brutal, but to try, just a little,
    what it is like to be apart.
    To not have to hold on to each other in a tight grip,
    out of fear that one day we will no longer be together.

    (more…)

  • Coming Home

    I have been thinking a lot about what happens when I come home.

    The last time I went to rehabilitation, I rebuilt my body. Two weeks of steady training. I felt strong, almost high on the fact that my body could handle so much more than I had believed. When I came home, everything collapsed. Not because my body stopped working, but because everyday life returned in full force. So many decisions I had not had to think about inside the safe structure of the rehab center. So much noise. Relationships. Impressions. Everything at once.

    I could not cope, and I concluded that I was the one who failed. It became a kind of personal defeat.

    (more…)

  • Good stuff

    Sometimes you should give up. And sometimes you should endure.
    I am glad I endured.

    I believe cultural clashes mostly happen inside us, even though it is much easier to focus on what we think is colliding with us from the outside. What I really clashed with was my own vulnerability and my fear of feeling alone.

    At home, I do not feel that way. There is so much love there. So many people who show me every day that I matter.
    Here, I had to face that inner collision and slowly realize that I am the one who chooses how I feel in a new context.

    (more…)

  • Self-chosen

    I have now completed my fifth day of treatment in this strange in between world. A place built for healing, rest, and procedures. And yet, one aspect of this journey has surprised me more than anything else.

    The culture clash.

    (more…)

  • Sanatorium

    So, I have gone away for a while.
    Just after New Year’s.

    I am here now. Alone.
    With myself. With my thoughts, my fears, my life.

    A month on my own, far away from everyone who loves me, needs me, and who grieves me a little all the time, even though I am still here. I have stepped out of their lives for a moment, or what may feel like an eternity, to find myself. Not again, but anew.

    (more…)