Self-chosen

I have now completed my fifth day of treatment in this strange in between world. A place built for healing, rest, and procedures. And yet, one aspect of this journey has surprised me more than anything else.

The culture clash.

I had not understood how strong it would be. How much it would affect me. And honestly, it is a clash with a culture I do not appreciate. There are exceptions, but most of the encounters I have had so far lack what I associate with personal service, empathy, and human presence.

Maybe that sounds harsh. Maybe it is even unfair. But the truth is that I am vulnerable here. Far away from the people I love. Far away from my context. And when the body is already regulated down to its limits, human connection is not a bonus. It becomes an essential part of the treatment itself.

Czech culture is not inviting. And right now, I need to feel invited.

At the same time, I do believe the treatments are helping. My nervous system is deeply dysregulated. Being massaged helps. Lying down and sitting in rest helps. Being able to receive without any expectation of performance helps.

But today I began to reflect on how counterproductive it can be for someone with my nature to, on the one hand, receive technical treatments meant to calm the body, and on the other hand, feel both invisible and unimportant.

It is as if the body is being cared for, while the person is left out.

I am giving it time. I have not even completed my first week yet.

But I am not giving it unlimited time.

Setting a boundary does not feel threatening. It feels crystal clear. If it turns out that it costs more than it gives, I will go home.

And this is the important part.

If I choose to go home earlier, it will not feel like a defeat.
It will feel like a victory.

Staying can be right.
Leaving can be right.

But abandoning yourself in order to prove endurance is no longer an option.

And that, in itself, feels like healing.